


A Mage's Guide to Romance in the Middle of the End of the World

by Penguinplushie



Series: Dragon Age Drabbles [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, Embarrassment, F/M, Fluff, Introspection, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguinplushie/pseuds/Penguinplushie
Summary: Not the first impression she was hoping to make but she can only go up from here.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> I have decided to combine all of Rivie's stories which means all the kudos and comments that have previously been posted on the other drabbles, that are now included in this single work, are gone. Know that I am eternally gratefully for both the kudos and comments that were given. I wish there was some way to preserve those, but I just couldn't find one. The first 13 chapters are just copy pasting of the previously posted drabbles.

The small hut was quiet around her as Rivie Trevelyan sat staring into the small mirror sitting over the table. Where Josephine found it, she couldn't be sure, but her only request and easily filled. Wiping a damp cloth across her face she almost can't believe it has been a week since their attempt to close the rift at the temple. Of course it didn't work, though the rift is stable now and no longer allowing demons through. As a mage she has to wonder if she is the reason it didn't work, or why she was even given this gift. She was already powerful enough, to be gifted with something that can control the very fabric between this world and the Fade is hard to understand.

Rivie didn't mind living in The Circle, in fact she embraced the safety it afforded her. She is a powerful mage, trying to keep that a secret is difficult. Playing down the power within her is almost painful sometimes. She has to wonder if they would truly trust her if they knew. Leliana seems to suspect something though, Rivie can tell just from the looks between them. Josephine seems oblivious to the very notion that she could be hiding something, or maybe that is just an act. Cullen, the dashing Commander, as Rivie likes to think of him seems just plain oblivious to all things.

She will probably never forget their meeting on the battlefield. He fought bravely for his soldiers, even though he could not effect the rift. The moment she laid eyes on him she wanted to help the man who was protecting others. Maybe that seems weird now, learning he was a Templar. Of course he just had to point out the obvious and remind her of all the people who lost their lives for her. She'd felt the weight of it on her shoulders, couldn't stop herself from feeling a little doubt.

They were all impressed though, with what she'd done, even if it hadn't fixed anything. Her eyes drifted down her hand where small green sparks would still occasionally radiate from her palm. It didn't hurt at least, but maybe that was thanks to her magic and less to do with anything else. She goes back to wiping the dirt and colored powders from her face. Of course the three of them grew angry with her when a couple days ago she had disappeared alone.

Rivie needed to collect a few plants to make herself some powders for her face. She hadn't realized they didn't like her just going off on her own, otherwise she might have told someone about her little trip before hand. Then again probably not, it isn't like she can't protect herself. Now clean, she uncaps all her little jars and begins to reapply the beautiful purple hues she found, anything to make her silvery white hair stand out and bring out the unusual purple hue of her eyes. She wants to look good for the meeting she's been asked to join with Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra, and the dashing Commander. Why she isn't sure.

She might be “The Herald of Andraste” but that doesn't make her that important does it. She is more of a figure head, right? Maybe not. Maybe she is thinking about this all wrong. Maybe the title isn't the important thing here. Her eyes once again settle on her left hand. Maybe that is the important part. The actual gift she received from Andraste. She pushes those thoughts aside and finishes applying her new powders just before the knock to the door that signals she is needed. She fluffs the hair coming out of her high ponytail to make sure it lands just right, while her bangs split and lay in such a way to frame her face. The braid going from one ear to the other over her head tight with no loose hair. She looks perfect, now hopefully someone else will notice too.


	2. Pick One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her side is better than theirs, so everyone should join.

Rivie sits quietly on the shore of the frozen lake, well as quietly as her mind will let her. She wraps her arms around her knees, pulling them close to her chest. Her staff lays beside her nestled next to her hip. The tension is too high, even here. Before they had even left for Val Royeaux there had been some big mess in front of the Chantry. Thankfully the dashing Commander seem to have to under control. It is good that both Templars and Mages listen to him, otherwise they could really be in a mess. She had tried to lighten the mood a bit, asking him to keep the place from falling down while they are gone. He didn't seem to take affence to her words. His answer even drew a smile from her.

Thankfully when they returned it had been quiet. She quickly learn the reason for that, word travels fast it seems when Leliana is around. After going in circles it seem they came to a standstill and then asked her to decide. They want her to choose who will hopefully help them, Mages or Templars. She still isn't sure. Of course asking around has put her about half and half really. Why are they even asking her at all, it isn't like she's in charge around here.

The dashing Commander of course sides with the Templars, no real surprise there. Her mind wanders back to their conversation. Oh Maker.

Did she really behave like that? She can feel her face heating up just thinking back on it. To flirt so terribly with the dashing Commander. He probably thinks she is the biggest idiot. Although he seems innocent to her advances, or could that just all be a ploy to get her guard down. The more she thinks about it the more mortified she feels about the whole thing.

She hadn't stayed for this reason. She is her to help put the world back together, well as much as she can, not catch the eye of some man. Especially when said man used to be a Templar. It is the golden rule, Mages and Templars do not fraternize. It doesn't matter how many of them did back at her old tower. 

She tries to force her attention back to the decision at hand, she can think about how embarrassing she behaved another time. Both seem like side strategy but who can she really trust in the end. Honestly she isn't sure she can trust the Mages. Yet what if the Templars turn her away because she is a mage? The Mages would probably embrace her, especially if she can offer them some kind of protection. No that just sounds like a bad idea. Templars seem the safer choice. Should something happen they can't summon Demons. It would also please him if she picks the Templars.

Rivie shakes her head feeling the redness from before creeping back up her cheeks. Not a good reason to choose. Nope, not a good reason at all.


	3. Are You Stalking Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is neither a war or a table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the scene where Cole appears on the War Table, couldn't help but write about it. There is in-game dialogue here so some spoilers for sure.

She stands with them around the war table, tired and sore. Honestly that turned into a mess but at least she was able to save some of them. Cassandra is not to pleased with how the whole thing went, not that she had been there to actually see any of it. Once again, Leliana's spies sure get word back fast.

“Officers betryaing their soldiers, Templars without leaders, a demon imitating the Lord Seeker. We should have taken them to task. The crimes they've committed...” She begins to rant.

“Were committed by their officers. The soldiers of the Order will serve,” Cullen cuts in a little angry. At least that is how it sounds to Rivie. She really wants to be sleeping right now, not listening to them go in circles again.

“These crimes put them at our mercy. Yet the terms of this Alliance do not benefit the Inquisition as they should! You should have consulted us, Herald.” Leliana points out.

Well excuse her for having to make a decision without them around. Then again they were the ones that asked her who to reach out to in the first place, wasn't like they were going to decide anything. Rivie feels angry for being blamed for apparently making the wrong choice. Of course she won't express that, it is pointless. Why should she defend her choice at all when there are other more important things to consider. “We still need to prepare for them. I have contacts in the Lyrium trade. Regular Lyrium,” She informs them side stepping the whole argument about alliances.

“If you'd be so kind as to put me in touch with them, I'll secure funding. How many templars are expected?” Josephine asks, seeming not to care for the fighting going on between her colleagues.

“A few dozen veterans are coming ahead of the rest, to help seal the Breach.” Leliana explains.

“How soon until these veterans arrive?”

Rivie barely gets the last word out when the room is suddenly engulfed in flames. To her surprise, and probably everyone else in the room, Cole is kneeling on the war table. “They're almost here. Templars don't like to be late,” he answers her question in that cryptic tone of voice.

“Maker!” Cullen calls in surprise while reaching to draw his sword. Rivie is a little shocked when he rounds the table quickly to try and stand between her and Cole. Cassandra has also drawn her weapon, the sound of the sword sliding through it's sheath is unmistakeable.

“Wait!” She tries to stop them from doing whatever it is they are thinking about doing.

“I came with you to help. I would have told you before, but you were busy,” Cole explains glancing her way.

Well this isn't good. She needs to get control of this whole situation before something happens. “Off the war table, Cole. _Now_.” She puts as much sterness in her voice as she can hoping the young man will listen.

“Yes. I don't belong here. I'm not a war,” he answers once again his words twisting.

She can't stop the chuckle that bubbles from her thoat though at his choice of words. She watchs as he easily jumps down. While Cassandra demands for the guards. Leliana of course cuts her off wishing to know why he is there. Of course he just wants to help, as he has said ever since she met him. It doesn't take much for her to decide to let him stay. Of course Cassandra doesn't like it.

“You're not honestly suggesting we give him run of the camp?” Cullen asks beside her, really standing far closer than he needs to, not that she notices or anything.

“Not freely, perhaps, but it seems a waste to---” Josephine intervenes. “Hold on!”

Without anyone's notice the young man disappears. “Where did he go?” Cassandra demands looking around.

She giggles a little remembering her own surprise the first time he'd done that. “It's a good trick. You get used to it.”

Leliana sees it as a rather nice trick indeed. “We must see if he can teach it to anyone else. I'll have people watch the boy, but let's not be distracted from the Breach.”

Rivie wants to say good luck to Leliana's spies that are going to be watching Cole. She is pretty sure they have an impossible task before them.

“We'll need your help when the templar veterns arrive. Take time to prepare while you can,” Cullen explains returning his sword to it's home on his hip. 

Right now all Rivie wants to do is sleep, for many many hours. She is ready to collapse in her bed, probably to awake some time tomorrow. Thankfully that is all they have to say and she is free to go do just that. While heading out she glances back to see Cullen and Leliana hunched over the table speaking quietly to each other. She feels a strange little pain in her chest, her fingers itching. Well that's not good, she knows this feeling and it will be for the best to shove it down and stop thinking about their dashing Commander. She will focus on closing the Breach and once done she will leave and it won't matter.


	4. Mages Sure Can Be Annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was going to leave, before he showed up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I recently got back into playing Dragon Age Inquisiton, after taking a year or so off. Given the time off I ended up restarting my playthrough... which is why her look might have changed in this drabble, and possibly the tone and over all feel.
> 
> Also *spoiler* this drabble is kind of a part 1, cause I have always felt the big fight it talks about is like a 2 parter really. The fight is part one and the meeting up is part 2. So that how I writing it. Part 2 should be coming soon.

Rivie wakes suddenly, cold air rushing into her lungs while pain blooms all over her body. She lays there, the snow soaking into her armor, boards digging into place she really doesn't want to feel right now. Everything hurts, of course that tends to happen when you bring an avalanch of snow down on your own head. While trying to catalog her injuries her mind wanders back to remind her of why she is laying here in the snow under Haven.

She managed to seal the Breach with the help of the templars and didn't even pass out this time. Everyone was celebrating while she was packing her satchel. Her part in all this was done, and she didn't want to stick around to be accused again of the Divine's murder. Thankfully she didn't have much. Just the armor she is wearing, her staff, powders and potions. A knock to her door stops her, her hand coming up to push her hair back from her face. She'd let it down earlier, no longer needing to appear dignified. It curls down toward her right shoulder, doing a good job of covering half her face. She doesn't mind, it has always done that, she was used to it by now.

She should regret opening that door or maybe not. Maybe helping all those people was her task all along. Cassandra had come by to tell her that all is as it appears and she did in fact close the Breach. Then all she remebers is choas as the alarm sounds and people go running in all directions. She runs into her compaions on the way to the main gate. Some of them give her a twice over, and she can't be sure but she thought she heard Varric say that 'he was done for now'. She hadn't had time to ask who 'he' was, what with them being under seige and a strange and charming man showing up at the gate.

There was a lot of fighting and running and all around annoying mages to deal with. Until finally they decided to just bring the whole mountian down on their little sanctuary. It had worked... sort of... everyone had escaped, apparently herself included, but so had He. That monster of a man, maybe he wasn't even a man at all anyone. He might have been at one time but it seems now he is nothing but a monster with ambitions to rule the world.

Rivie pushes herself to her feet, her arm wrapping around her stomach as pain shoots through just about every muscle that moves. She sees a way forward, her steps slow and painful at first. Her magic is in short supply at the moment so she can't use it to bolster herself. She notices movement ahead of her. A few more steps and she quickly recognizes the demons barring her path forward. She tries to think of a way to deal with them, with little left of her magic reserves at the moment she isn't sure she'll be able to defeat them on her own.

Suddenly the mark, anchor he'd called it, on her hand flares up sending green sparks of energy flying around her. The second time is pulses an image fills her mind. Still have no clue how the thing actually works she pushes her hand out while concentrating on what she saw. Energy leaps from her fingers to surround her enemies and destroy them. She looks at her hand in amazement for a moment, she's learned a new trick it seems. She continues forward finally coming to the exit of the tunnel, snow whipping around in the harsh winds obscuring much of the white landscape. Now to figure out which way to go from here.


	5. Snowy Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A single fire would have been helpful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is 'part 2' of that big cut scene through the eyes of my beloved Mage, Rivie. <3
> 
> I haven't really gone back and edited it for errors, since I just finished writing it. So any mistakes, I apologize for. Plus it feels a little long for a drabble but that just how it worked out.

She looks through the haze of snow, barely making out the mountains in the distance. The moment she steps away from the protection of the passage way Rivie feels cold to the bone. The wind chills her skin while the snow dampens her. Her feet and ankles feel numb as they push through the deepening snow. She still isn't sure she is even going in the right direction until finally she comes across a long extenguished camp fire. She shivers intensely while standing there to catch her breath. The cold air is making it difficult to breath deeply but she knows she just has to keep pushing on.

The snow gets deeper and deeper the closer she gets to the mountains. Another camp fire is in the near distance. She has to stop though, her feet are completely numb to the point of not even really feeling them. Sure the snow is going to be the thing to do her in after she survives an attack by a dragon and what is more than likely a very old darkspawn. She forces herself to continue forward, what little magic she has left the only thing allowing her to take each step. Eventually she will run dry, run on empty until she can get some proper rest, not out here in the snow preferablly. It has been a long while since she has expended so much of her magic.

The mountain looms in front of her, the pass nearly visible in the blowing snow. She finally runs out of everything and feels herself falling forward toward the cold, wet snow. Just before the world blackens around her Rivie can't be sure but the wind sounds like a voice calling out to her.

Noise penatrates the darkness around her. Is someone seriously yelling while she is trying to sleep? Suddenly she wakes, her whole body hurting and still cold. Her magic has recovered a small bit but not nearly enough for her to actually use it. She takes a moment to remind herself of what has happened, her eyes trained on the cloth keeping the snow out. Her eyes wander the area to land on Mother Giselle, who is sitting beside her watching her quietly. She opens her mouth to say something, only to be shushed gently.

“You must get some rest to recover your strength,” her warm soothing voice advises.

Honestly that sounds like the best idea she's heard in all this chaos. At the moment they didn't seem to need her so a more sleep wouldn't hurt a bit. She lets her eyes drift close only to catch a conversation nearby.

“Is she going to be alright?” Varric asks with some concern in his voice.

“She will be fine,” Mother Giselle assures him in that soothing tone of hers.

A few moments later Varric's voice sounds further away. “Don't worry curly, she is going to be fine.”

She hears nothing else as her mind drifts off and she falls asleep with an ease that probably shouldn't be happening in this situation. She awakens again unsure of just how much time has passed. This time the shouting is a little quieter, but still going on. Next to her sits Varric, the dwarf's attention else where before he notices her eyes watching him. He gives her one of his big smiles, apparently glad to see her awake for himself.

“How did I get here?” She asks. She had thought to ask Mother Giselle but the woman had shushed her into silence.

“Cur--- When we saw you approach, the Commander and a few others rushed to greet you. Only to have you pass out on them. Getting to this bed though you can thank the Commander for that, he carried you.

“Well that's a little embarrassing,” she bemoans looking away, not wanting her companion and friend to see her blush.

“He would be sitting here right now if not for the others telling him to take a break,” Varric explains helpfully. “He has pretty much been fussing over you this whole time.”

“And how long is 'this whole time'?” She asks deciding to leave the rest of Varric's words to later to examine.

“Since you last woke or since you got here?”

“Either.”

“A few hours and nearly a day.”

Wow so she's been sleeping for nearly a day. Her magic still feels low, but not nearly non-existant as it had before. Which explains why she's been sleeping so long. Her body is trying to recover it's natural magically energy while also heal her physical wounds. The fighting seems to have escalated again while they were talking as she can hear raised voices.

“Just ignore that for now,” Varric suggests helpfully. “Mother Giselle says you should get as much rest as possible. We all know eventually something will have to be done but it won't do anyone any good if you pass out on us again.”

“Not like I”m leading this merry band of men,” she comments in a low voice. “I'm sure they can make decisions without me, they did before I got here.”

She can feel Varric's eyes on her, he is probably giving her his 'you have no idea how important you are' look. Honestly she would be happy to let someone else make the decisions for once. She was tired of being the one everyone depended on. It isn't a role she falls into naturally. Only because of the anchor on her hand did she even think she could do anything.

Upon waking up again she realizes she must have fallen asleep. Finally though she feels more like herself again. The arguing is still going on in the center of the camp and this time she pushes herself up actually look at her advisers bickering with each other about what to do. Seriously they have been going at it for hours it seems. Mother Giselle is sitting quietly beside her. At first she wants her to continue to rest. If they can't even decide what to do after hours of talking about it, how can she possibly keep resting. Their discuss turns toward the darkspawn, now known as Corypheus, and her faith or lack there of.

She feels a little lost just thinking about it all, pushing herself up from the cot she leans against the pole holding up the cover over her head. Rivie watches them argue until they finally seem to run out of things to yell at each other. She is startled when Mother Giselle's voice raises in song behind her drawing the attention of everyone in the camp. The song seems to resinate with all of them picking up voices as it carries through the camp. Until they all come to kneel before her, like she is some kind of savior to be worshiped. She doesn't like it at all, she can barely save herself sometimes. To have all these people depending on her is... hard. She catches the eyes of each of her advisors, her eyes lingering too long on his. Seriously why is this even happening to her?

Solas approaches quietly giving her an excuse to run and hide from these people who are expecting way to much of her. An Elven Orb huh? Well that just complicates matters doesn't it? He also suggests a place to go, a direction to move in. At least it would get them out of the snow, provide some shelter, than maybe Leliana, Josephine, Cullen and Cassander will finally be able to figure something out. The journy to their new home thankfully isn't nearly as harsh as her journy from Haven had been.

Skyhold is truly amazing and of course they want to give her the role of Inquisitor. She wants to turn it down, she really does, but they are right. As much as she tried not to think about it, she has been leading them this whole time. Funny how not a few days ago she was ready to run but now she can't imagine not helping these people. This has been an interesting adventure so far and she can only guess at what the future will bring.


	6. A Moment of Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment before going once more into the...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game dialogue totally in use, so spoilers ahead.

She sits quietly in one of the chairs near the defunct fireplace in the main hall. Rivie can hear people moving around the place. Skyhold is huge but really really rundown. The place needs a lot of repairs to even become livable. Josephine seems to have it under control though as already a lot of the debris in the main hall is gone. Soon enough the fireplace near her might even be burning again, providing a small amount of warmth to the large room. Now that no one is trying to kill her or she is going to freeze to death she allows herself to finally take a moment to just breath.

She is the Inquisitor now. Everyone seems happy enough with that decision, well almost everyone. A few of the new arrivals don't seem to like her being a mage but there isn't anything she can do about that. To quiet any discontent just requires her to prove herself all over again. She sighs wishing for a brief moment she hadn't taken up the title and its duties. Of course if she told any of her advisors or companions the situation would be readily dealt with. Can't have people in Skyhold whispering ill of the Mage who was given a position of power. They could be spies for the Chantry. She just has to win them over, no need to involve the others.

Speaking of Advisors. When she spoke to the Commander earlier she wasn't able to stop herself from showing a little gratitude that he made it out of Haven, probably more than anyone else. 

He'd been working hard to get everyone settled in and to make sure Skyhold was actually going to be a place of safety. People getting mauled by wolves or whatever the hell else was out in the those snowy mountains would not be a good start. The first thing he said to her was so apologetic. How could he have known what they would face after sealing the breach? He couldn't, no one could. He looked beyond worn out.

“Do you ever sleep?” So it was a question asked out of concern but maybe not the right question. He readily pushed it aside with the excuse that they could be attacked again at any time. In fact there had been a promise in those words that should it happen they would all fight, to the death if needed. He kept calling her Inquisitor and for some reason that bothered her.

“Inquisitor Trevelyan. It sounds odd, don't you think?” She asked probably hoping for a little reassurance that she did in fact do the right thing by taking the position. His response had been so quick she wasn't sure what to make of it. “Is that the official response?” So she was being a little cheeky now, it was better than just losing all her sanity.

To hear him laugh, well that made it all worth it. He assured her that though it probably was, it was also the honest truth. She'd been leading them all along even without the title. She'd earned it in so many ways. Seeing him smile. Her heart got the better of her head.

“Our escape from Haven... it was close.” She'd admitted with a heavy sigh. “I'm relived that you – that so many made it out.” Yep so her tongue slipped in that moment revealing that nugget of worry that had been eating away at her chest all this time. She'd been unable to stop herself from checking, many times, to make sure he was truly there on their journey to Skyhold and even then after arriving. His response had been quiet and regretful. She'd instantly felt bad for even bringing it up. 

When she turned to go though he seemed to let a little of his own emotions slip through. “You stayed behind. You could have – I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again. You have my word.”

Just thinking about it now, the amount of conviction he put behind those words, still surprises her. He really meant it. Which is why she should probably tell him about the whispering she is hearing behind her back. No, he has enough on his plate to deal with right now. Securing Skyhold is his current priority, she won't bother him with such a stupid complaint. A complaint she's heard all her life anyways. She sighs one last time before pushing herself up from the seat. It is time to actually be the Inquisitor.


	7. Anger Management

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is a little rain when you have to drain a lake?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game dialogue in use, so spoilers ahead.

Rivie, supposedly the prim and proper Inquisitor, stomps through Skyhold while water droplets fly everywhere. She hasn't been this angry in a while. Her armor is still damp and dripping from their last visit to Crestwood. She manages to make it to her chambers without being stopped once, which is probably for the best. A few deep breaths help calm her down. She slips out of her armor, just looking at it is making her angry all over again. Of course she'd have to get angry as a snake whose been stepped on over something that happened 10 years ago. Did he really think he'd get away with it? Did he really think no one would ever drain the lake? Hell maybe that was true. They wouldn't have if a rift hadn't appeared under it. Currently Cullen has troops looking for him. It is probably for the best that he isn't in front of her right now, she would probably do something she'd regret out of anger for all those people who weren't given a chance to live.

She flops down on her bed her mind wandering at the thought of her Commander. He'd dropped quite the bomb on her not to long ago. A templar, former or not, no longer taking lyrium is just not something you hear every day. He wants to be better for the Inquisition. She can't help but hope a little bit that maybe he even wants to do it for her. That thought seems a little hypocritical though. She still uses lyrium, there is no way around it. Her body can regenerate her magic fairly quickly if she doesn't just blow through it all at once. Yet sometimes that is something she just has to do and that is when she uses it. She'd told him that she was okay with it, that she was happy he told her. Honestly he didn't have to tell her about it or his deal with Cassandra. It frustrates her a little that the man would defer to Cassandra and not her but she can understand, she is a mage after all. Okay so maybe she is being a little petty... or a lot petty. She needs to get out of this room and her head before her thoughts really turn dark and truthful.

Rivie wanders through the Skyhold garden. The best decision she has made so far. It really calms her in ways no other place has since the fall of her Circle. A familiar voice grabs her attention. She meanders toward it, spotting two figures sitting at one of the small stone tables. Of course she'd have to run into him when he is literally the only thing on her mind. She watches them from a distance at first, he seems so relaxed... a little happy even. He must be winning even if Dorian keeps boasting about some move or another. Her steps unwillingly draw her closer just as Dorian mocks him again about losing. A little thrill goes down her back that he seems to notice her instantly. Dorian of course tries to bait him into giving up.

She can't have that, not when he is winning. “Please. Don't stop on my account.”

She wants to laugh when Dorian is handed a sound defeat or maybe at his parting words. A smile does grace her lips even as she manages not to actually laugh. Her attention is quickly drawn back to Cullen at his next words. “I should return to my duties as well... unless you would care for a game?”

She isn't sure if he is just being polite because she is the Inquisitor or if he actually wants to spend some time with her. Well she'll take either at this point and damn it that is not the right answer. She isn't supposed to be falling for this man. He is a Templar and she is a Mage. That is a situation that doesn't end well for either side. “Prepare the board, Commander.” At least she sounds confidant as she takes the seat Dorian just vacated.

“As a child, I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck-up grin whenever she won – which was all the time. My brother and I practiced together for weeks. The look on her face the day I finally won...” he explains with a warm smile. “Between serving with the Templars and the Inquisition, I haven't seen them in years. I wonder if she still plays.”

Well that pretty much went and did it. She really is falling in love with this stumbling and wonderful man. He just had to go and share such a warm memory with her in such an open way. Now she wants to know everything about him. Ugh, not good at all even as the words slip from her mouth. “You have siblings?”

“Two sisters and a brother,” he answers without even giving it a thought.

Forget it. If he's in the mood to share then she was going to soak it all in. “Where are they now?” Maybe she can even distract him enough to win. So she's a little competitive too.

“They moved to South Reach after the Blight. I do not write them as often as I should,” he explains. “Ah. It's my turn.”

Okay so maybe it wasn't a good enough distraction. Briefly she thinks about cheating only to realize that isn't how she wants to win. She also doesn't want him to think less of her. She has enough faults already, like being a mage for one huge one. “All right, let's see what you've got.”

He asks her about her family. Something she doesn't really like to talk about with anyone. She loves them sure but she was young when her magic manifested. They sent her to the Circle without a second thought. Now it feels like they are claiming her just because of her sudden position. So she doesn't say anything, quickly changing the subject. He doesn't ask anymore about it seeming to sense her disire not to talk on it. Maybe someday it won't hurt so much to think of them and actually talking about them won't be as hard.

She tries to sneakily get more and more personal information out of him. Her questions are innocent on the surface simply because he has no idea she is craving every little detail. She wants to know it all. He shares so many stories with her that she has to wonder if he does know. Does he realize what she is up to?

“This may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition – or related matters,” he points out drawing her attention out of her own head and back to their game. “To be honest I appreciate the distraction.”

So she's a distraction now. Of course he didn't mean it like that. Yet, if it is a distraction he wants she is more than willing to deliver. Maker help her. Seriously, how did she get so deep so fast? Is she really about to... “We should spend more time together.” Yep apparently she is.

He seems so surprised by her proposal. The smile on his face is genuine and warm. Deeper she goes it seems. “I would like that.”

Really? He would? “Me, too.” Ugh that was lame. She was the one to suggest it after all.

“You said that.” Yea of course he would notice. This game needs to end and she needs to get away before she manages to put her foot in her mouth even further. “We should... finish our game. Right. My turn?”

At that moment, looking at his face, running away is the furthest thing from her mind. A kiss. That's what is suddenly on her mind. Maker if he knew the thoughts swirling about in her head he would probably be the one running. She just nods her head in agreement not wanting to push too far. Not wanting to scare him away. How did people do this? How did people actually do this sort of thing? He seems at least a little bit interested but she has no idea if it is the same as what she is feeling.

“I believe this one is yours. Well played.”

She actually won even though her focus was not on the game at all. Sure she buckled down toward the end trying not to blush or do anything else to reveal herself in front of him. Did he let her win? Would he even do that? Maybe, she isn't sure.

“We will have to try again sometime.”

Crap. Now is when she wishes she is just a normal person and not the head of this thing. Cause she honestly has no one she can talk to about these sorts of things. Sure she seems confident to everyone around her or well she hopes that is the case. Inside though, inside this roomy head of hers, is just a jumbled mess of good intentions. Thankfully in the end she doesn't even have time to dwell on it too much as one of Cullen's men comes running up to them several papers in hand. She gives him a smile knowing exactly how he feels. He, of course, apologizes and leaves to go deal with whatever new crisis has his attention now. She just sits there watching him leave. At least she isn't angry anymore.


	8. A Useless Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The embarrassing incident

“So that's the story we are going with?” Varric asks in his 'no one will believe that ever' voice.

They are sitting around the small campfire about a days ride from Skyhold.

“You only have to tell people if they ask,” Rivie explains with a little frustration. She's sitting opposite the dwarf, one of her legs tucked under her while the other is stretched out in front of her.

“You do know he is going to ask right?” Varric points out while poking at the fire with a twig.

“He?” She knows exactly who Varric is talking about but it easier to just play dumb. “No one will ask because they won't even realize there is a problem.”

“Oh how do you figure that? You can't even walk on it right now,” the dwarf reasons with a raised eyebrow.

“I've been walking on it just fine for the last week,” Rivie grumbles without thinking about it.

“No more of that Missy!” Dorian cuts in. It's all his fault they are heading back to Skyhold early and having this conversation right now. He'd noticed her using a lot more of her magic, even when they weren't in combat. Which he then felt the need to point out and got everyone else to gang up on her into agreeing to go back.

“It's how I heal---”

“No, it's how you push yourself too damn hard,” Dorian quickly cuts her off shaking a finger in her direction. “You should have told us you were hurt to that extent. You need an actual mage healer. Which I would like to remind you, you are not.”

Okay so she does have to concede him that point. She is terrible at healing magic, so terrible in fact that after a week her ankle hasn't actually gotten any better. Surpressing the pain is easy enough for any mage but to actually heal a wound or fracture took a lot more finesse. No matter what they say she'll just slink to her room and call for a healer. She'll be fine in no time at all, no one needs know the embarrassing truth.

 

It is always so frustrating when the storyteller is right. She rides beside Dorian as Blackwall and Varric lead the way up toward the gates of Skyhold. Her hopes of making a hasty unnoticed retreat to her room are quickly dashed when she spots two familiar figures standing just inside the gates. Her Spymaster and Commander are apparently awaiting their return. How did they even know...? Her eyes snap over toward Dorian who gives her one of his winning smiles.

“Don't look at me, you do have one amazing Spymaster,” Dorian points out.

“Sometimes too amazing,” Rivie grumbles as their horses canter up the slope and step through the gate earning a laugh from Dorian.

“Is everything all right Inquisitor? We weren't expecting you back for another week,” Leliana asks approaching the four of them.

“Uh... fine,” she answers distracted with trying to figure out how to get off her horse. She swings her injured her leg over the horse while drawing on her magic to allow herself to actually put her weight on it. Her concentation suddenly breaks when her eyes catch the sour look Dorian is giving her. The pain that flares through her ankle and up her leg buckles her knee. Instead of tumbling the rest of the way down from her horse, solid strong hands catch her.

“Inquisitor?” Cullen asks in concern his arm coming around her waist as she falls into him. He carefully sets her to right his hands about to pull away when Dorian speaks up.

“I wouldn't let go Commander,” he suggests and it of course has the effect he apparently desires. Cullen's hands instantly move closer again. “She went and injured her ankle last week.”

Rivie rolls her eyes at the other mage, a well placed immolate wouldn't hurt too much. She is startled when suddenly solid ground disaapears from under her feet and she finds herself craddled in Cullen's rather strong arms. Rivie can feel her face heating up instantly at the sudden turn of events. She can't bring herself to look at him. Having him carry her through Skyhold did not sound like a good idea to her.

“Take the Inquisitor to her chambers, I'll call for a healer right away,” Leliana says somewhere nearby.

“I'm sorry for not asking,” Cullen says while walking toward the stairs that lead up to the door into the main hall. “You'd have never asked for the help though.”

Rivie is far too embarrssed to actually say anything to him though. She can hear whispering from those who seem to have taken up residence inside the main hall. Most of it is harmless, some giggling even, but under that she can hear the disdain of others. Her body instinctively shrinks a bit trying to hide herself in his large arms.

“Inquisitor?” Cullen asks in concern as they approach the door to her chambers.

Once the door closes behind them she lets out the breath she hadn't even realized she was holding. She remains silent while he heads up the stairs and further into her chamber. It isn't until he carefully deposits her on the bed that she finally looks at him. He looks tired and worried. She doesn't like that she put that look on his face.

“I'll go see where that healer is,” he says turning to go.

“Thank you.”

He turns back at her suddenly words giving her a little smile. He nods before continuing on to do the task he set for himself. She feels miserably embarrassed by the whole turn of events. Not to mention that he might have heard the dark whispers she's been trying to keep to herself. This week just did not go her way.


	9. An Interruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could you ever...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game dialogue totally in use, so spoilers ahead.

The moonlight streams through the large floor to ceiling windows around the doors leading to her balconies. She wouldn't know it though, thanks to the thick curtains that surround her bed. Her mind wanders while she tries to fall asleep, working to remind her of things done and yet to do. Of course thinking about the Inquisition inevitably led to thinking about Cullen. Rivie's whole face heats up as memories of earlier that day bubble to the surface. She rolls onto her side burying her face behind her hands.

She'd gone to check on him, he'd looked tired and unsettled at the War table, her concern outweighing her senses. She slipped into his work space realizing quickly that he hadn't heard her. This afforded her a moment to just observe him. He is reading through some document while a frown creases his forehead. She wants to see his smile, to be the one to make him smile. “Commander?” She approaches slowly not wanting to startle him.

“Inquisitor? I'm sorry I didn't see you there,” he says, his head shooting up in surprise.

“I... thought we could talk. Alone?” she explains her being there, glancing around the empty room.

“Alone? I mean, of course.” He seems unsure. Maybe this isn't the best idea after all. Before she can tell him to forget it he is leading her out of the room and out onto the battlements. “It's a nice day.”

Is he nervous? She didn't mean to cause him more distress. Her plan is totally backfiring. Instead of trying to ease his suffering she is only making it worse. Her own nerves are starting to get the better of her. Somehow though hearing it in his voice emboldens her in ways she isn't sure she would be allowing. Dorian and Varric have been pushing her, telling her to just tell him. She hasn't yet. She can't. She shouldn't. He would never... “What?” Okay so she is trying to salvage the situation the best she can, but really a single word that will just confuse him.

“It's... There was something you wished to discuss.” He isn't even looking at her. His eyes downcast, maybe even concerned. Did he think she was going to tell him she no longer thought he was fit to be the Commander? Damn it, this was not going right at all. She'd only wanted to reassure him. To let him know...

“Cullen,” the moment his name leaves her lips he is looking at her again and the rest just begins to tumble out before she can stop it, “I care for you, and ---” This isn't why she came to see him. She needs to stop this before it goes to far, before she can't take it back anymore. He'd never feel...

“What's wrong?” His voice holding so much concern.

Her brain to mouth filter seems to have finally broken, the words she's been hiding spilling free. “You left the Templars, but do you trust Mages? Could you think of me as anything more?”

“I could, I mean, I do... think of you,” he's stammering over his words apparently having the same filter malfunction. “And what I might say in this sort of situation.”

Rivie feels the hope that just maybe he could bloom in her chest. “What's stopping you?”

“You're the Inquisitor. We're at war. And you... I didn't think it was possible.”

All valid reasons that she didn't want to hear. None of that political crap matters to her. He matters to her. He's always mattered to her. From that first moment on the battlefield to the fall of Haven. If she lost him... she isn't sure what would happen to her. “And yet I'm still here,” her voice is full of confidence she doesn't even feel. This could all be a dream. He could tell her they shouldn't and walk away. He could break her in so many ways.

He draws closer to her, his voice dipping in a way that sends a chill through her. “So you are... it seems to much to ask. But I want to ---”

It is in that moment it dawns on her that he is going to kiss her. A turn of events she hadn't been expecting when coming to check on him. A turn she is all to happy to embrace.

“Commander!” A voice shatters her world. Of course duties would call at the most inappropriate time. She bows her head, allowing her to hide her heated face behind her hair, “You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana's report.”

“What?” He sounds angry. This poor messenger has no idea what he's done does he? She feels a tiny bit sorry for him, but only a little because now she probably won't get that kiss. He's got work to do after all. So does she.

“Sister Leliana's report. You wanted it delivered 'without delay.'” She realizes while thoroughly embarrassed she has never seen the Commander look so angry before. His glare is intense and knows she would be fidgting under it's heat. She pretty much hides away behind him while the messenger takes the moment to actually notice what he's interuppted. “Or... to your office... right...” He is quick to retreat but she is sure the moment is already broken.

“If you need to ---” she starts to excuse him, knowing how important his duty is to him. Her words are quickly cut off though as his mouth decends on her's, his hand coming up to craddle her cheek. At first she is so surprised she doesn't know what to do. Her brain finally kicks back in as he is pulling away and she wants to chase him, wants more.

“I'm sorry... that was... um... really nice.” He isn't sure of her reaction. She won't allow doubt to fester in his mind not about this or anything for that matter.

“That was what I wanted.” Again sounding so confident even though her head is screaming at her to slow down and think about all this for a moment.

“Oh. Good.” Hearing his voice quiets all the shouting instantly. Thinking is over-rated when what you want is standing here in front of you wanting you back. Their second kiss is softer. Her body responding to his. Her hands finding purchase on his shoulders. His slide around her waist to pull her closer against him.

Her fingers slip down from covering her face to caressing her lips. She has never experienced kisses like that before. They had stayed there for way too long honestly. She found that once she'd gotten a taste she didn't want to let him go. Maybe she just needed the reassurance that it was in fact happening. She was also surprised, his kisses felt so sure and controlled not a hint of the nervousness she'd noticed earlier. She could not say the same about herself though. Even now laying here in bed she can feel her nerves bubbling up at the memory. She has no idea where this is really going but dwelling on that just puts a weight on her heart. Finally she slips off to sleep, knowing she has a lot of important matters to tend to in the morning, his kiss the last thought on her mind.


	10. Do Not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstood...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of a warning, I wrote this while in a bit of a funk.

“Where is Cassandra?” Rivie asks glancing at the other two standing by the main gate. Varric shrugs even as Dorian's eyes slide toward the top of the stairway leading up to the main hall. She follows his look to see Cassandra standing at the landing speaking with... the Commander.

Her weight shifts as stable hands approach with their horses. She has been holed up in this place for the better part of two weeks because of her ankle. After finally healing she been notified of a letter they'd received from the Dales. Cassandra had asked to come along for reasons unknow to her. Without a word she starts to climb the stairs, feeling Varric and Dorian following her every move with their eyes. Upon reaching the lower landing she could hear voices above her.

“Just... stay safe.” Cullen says in a low voice. He sounds beyond tired, almost like he'd been arguing with her up to this point. What a strange thing to say. They didn't really even know what they were going to be dealing with. Their contact didn't want to deal with anyone but her after all. “I... can't lose...”

She quickly turns on heel and heads back down the stairs. Had she misread everything? Had she gotten it all wrong? Had it all been her silly dream?

“Inquisitor?” Dorian's voice stops her steps and she realizes she very nearly walked out of the gate. “Something wrong?”

She sighs swollowing the pain in her chest. “Nothing...” she manages to sound composed even as her mind waffles in confusion. Maybe she is just misunderstanding the whole conversation. There are any number of things he could have said. She knows running away just left her without answers but she didn't want to hear a possible horrible truth. 

She'd been so happy after the kiss they'd shared on the battlements. Dorian had even pointed it out to her in his humorous flirty way. She'd still been healing then so of course her little trip to see him had set her back some. Not that Cullen needed to know that. Maybe none of it had actually happened, the fade could feel so real sometimes. The two of them have known each other longer than she did. So it would make prefect sense if... no! She shouldn't allow herself to think about it. All that will get her is more pain she doesn't have time to deal with.

“Ah here she is,” Varric's voice breaks into her thoughts.

She glances up to see Cassandra approaching them with a determined face. She didn't offer an explanations as to why it had taken her so long to join them and honestly Rivie wasn't planning to ask. Dorian of course had other plans. “What was the hold up about?”

“Nothing important,” Cassandra answers climbing into her sandle without another word.

Rivie did as well deciding to leave it at that. She knew just enough to know she didn't need to know. She quietly leads them out of Skyhold her mind a million miles away. Now she has a whole new reason to be glad to be able to get away for a couple weeks and hopefully by the time she returns she can actually look them in the eye.


	11. Not A Party Until Someone Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are we Dancing...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game dialogue totally in use, so spoilers ahead.
> 
> I wrote this while "Are We Dancing" from the Happiest Millionaire was going on repeat hehe.

Rivie slips into the gown she had designed on her last trip to Val Royeaux. The last few weeks have been generally quiet and she's been keeping to herself. Sure she's had to deal with problems and people who apparoach her but she hasn't really seeked anyone out since... overhearing Cassandra and Cullen. The gown hugs her in just the right ways to accentuate her figure without looking tawdry. She spent most of her time with Leliana and Josephine preparing for the ball. It has been good to concentrate on the one task of learning how to play the Game and dealing with the oddities of Court. She felt more prepared at least on that front.

She steps out of her chambers to find her three advisors standing nearby talking quietly with Blackwall, Dorian and Varric. When the door shuts with a thump behind her everyone's attention is suddenly drawn to her. The only one who seems surprised by her appearance is the Commander. Then again everyone else has already seen the dress, maybe not on her, but they have seen it in some form. She can feel his eyes sweeping over her. Did he like it? Why is she thinking about this? Now is not the time to dwell on this.

The carriage ride to the Winter Palace provides a few last minute tips about what to expect. Her eyes keep drifting to peek at Cullen who is sitting across from her. Leliana is beside her and Josephine is sitting next to the Commander. The two women continue their lessons trying to remind her of everything they have already told her and adding any new information they might have forgotten. She quickly looks away when she notices him looking back.

The ball isn't what she is expecting. The nervousness balled in her stomach from the moment she enters the grand hall never seems to really relent. In fact meeting the Empress makes it so much worse. She manages not to make a complete fool of herself though which is a good sign for her tutors. No one seems to know how to keep their secrets or opinions to themselves in this place. Something she knows she can turn into an advantage for the Inquisition.

While making the rounds in the ballroom she notices her Commander standing stiffly in a crowd of both women and men. He sure seems popular. It irritates her enough to approach the group. She sees the relief in his eyes, giving him a chance to excuse himself from the group. “I don't suppose you'd save a dance for me?” The question is innocent enough. She isn't sure why she is even asking. He is only there because he has to be.

“No, thank you.” He quickly answers without even a thought.

Well that answers a few things for her. Her heart sinks even more into a quiet dispair. So it is true after all. She is sure if Cassandra had asked he wouldn't have been so quick to shut her down. “Oh.”

“No! I didn't mean to --- Maker's breath!” He quickly stumbles out reaching a hand toward her but never actually making contact. “I've answered that question so many times I'm rejecting it automatically. I'm not one for dancing. The Templars never attended balls.”

Resonable enough answer but she doesn't completely buy it. She pushes the thoughts aside needing to focus on the task at hand. A task that is going to require all her attention it seems.

 

No one told her she would be the one to decide the fate of an entire kingdom. That isn't why she came. She came to prevent the fall of a monarch and nothing more. Not only that she has had to deal with all manor of things that seem to have easily inflitrated the Court. This is getting ridiculous. If she ran the Inquisition the same way these nobles run their country they would have already fallen to Corypheus and his hordes. After some debate with her advisors they, of course, leave it to her to decide the final outcome. Why? She has no real idea. She might be of noble blood but really she is just a Mage trying not to screw everything up.

When all is said and done, she chose to allow the Empress to fall and gives the throne to her cousin. She's killed way more people than she would like to admit to anyone. She can hear the click of heels as she stands on a quiet balacony overlooking the gardens. Another soul to join her little group it seems. It doesn't really matter to her one way or the other and the woman seems to possess knowledge that could actually help them. Once alone again she finds herself thinking about what she has done. Did she make the right decision? Not that she can do anything about it now. The woman is already cold and dead. It isn't like she can bring her back to life. Changing her mind is just not an option. She will have to live with her choices and the death she has wrought.

This time the sound behind her isn't heels but instead heavy boots. “There you are! Everyone's been looking for you. Things have calmed down for the moment. Are you all right?” His concern is so genuine that it surprises her. She won't unload her whirling mind on him though he is dealing with enough.

“I'm just worn out. Tonight has been...” Looking into his eyes she nearly spills everything, only able to pull herself back at the last moment. “Very long.”

“For all of us. I'm glad it's over.” He makes no mention of agreeing or disagreeing with her choices. He did push for the usurper from the start so he could think his agreement is automatically given. His hand rests gently against her shoulder, her armor absorbing most of the pressure. Her gown is long gone thanks to having to deal with the Duchess. “I know it's foolish, but I was worried for you tonight.”

The sound of soft music wafts through the open doorway behind them. The smile he gives her is soft and inviting. She feels so confused by the whole exchange. He's treating her... like... no she can't allow herself to keep hoping. “I may never have another chance like this, so I must ask.” He steps away from her holding his hand out while bowing gracefully. Is he really about to...? “May I have this dance, My Lady?”

So it seems he is. She hesitates for a moment her mind and heart rolling in turmoil. He's right though. They may never get this chance again. She remembers his words when she'd asked him to save a dance for her. She takes his hand unable to keep herself from smiling. “I thought you didn't dance?”

“For you, I'll try.” His arm comes around her and she allows herself the moment to enjoy the closeness. As they begin to circle around the balcony she finds herself hoping the song never ends. She doesn't want to ever leave his embrace. She doesn't want to lose him. She realizes too late that she shouldn't have agreed to this. Nothing for it now, she can't bring herself to pull away. Instead of dwelling on her regret she decides to instead commit it to a painful memory that she will never forget.


	12. Knock Before Entering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should he keep taking it...?
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game dialogue totally in use, so spoilers ahead.

Rivie heads out of her chambers several parchments in her hands. She needs to ask the Commander about something he wrote in the margins. She's been putting it off for way too long. In fact she hasn't spoken to him since their dance at the Winter Palace several weeks ago. She wasn't avoiding him persay but she wasn't going out of her way to see him either. He hasn't looked very good lately at the War table meetings and it does worry her. So maybe the paperwork isn't the only reason she is finally going to see him.

She quietly pushes the door to his work space open only to find he isn't there. One of his troops is standing quietly by the desk probably awaiting his return. “He has gone to see Lady Cassandra.”

The first thought to jump into her mind is his well-being. She knows he has an arrangement with her because of his decision to no longer take lyrium. Her second thought is a little more tratorious and she quickly sweeps it aside. Rivie isn't sure she should go seeking them but can't stop herself either from heading in the direction of Cassandra's room. She carefully pushes the door open, hovering at the precipice, to hear raised voices traveling down from the loft above.

“You asked for my opinion, and I've given it. Why would you expect it to change?” Cassandra is certainly unhappy with their conversation it seems.

“I expect you to keep your word. It's relentless. I can't---” He sounds angry but also anquished. Pain spikes through Rivie's heart to know he would go and see Cassandra when he is suffering so much. She chooses to ignore the fact that the two of them had worked this all out even before she'd met them.

“You give yourself too little credit.” Well at least Cassandra is right about that. She slowly climbs the stairs still feeling unsure about distrurbing them.

“If I'm unable to fulfill what vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this. Would you rather save face than admit---”

Of course one of the steps just has to creak under her feet unintentionally interrupting their conversation. She has no choice now but to approach that or look like some kind of nosy busy body. He leaves them alone with a quiet 'forgive me'. Her heart plumments in aching concern for him and his mental well-being. She'd kept her distance for this reason alone. Her feelings are too strong. They overwhelm her in so many ways that she keeps making mistakes.

“And people say I'm stubborn. This is ridiculous.” Cassandra points out drawing her attention from his retreating form. “Cullen told you that he's no longer taking lyrium?”

“Yes, and I respect his decision.” No matter what happens between them she will always respect that choice even if she can't make it herself.

“As do I. Not that he's willing to listen. Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him.” Has it really gotten that bad? Why didn't he say... actually when would he have had the chance. She'd kept her distance from him after all. Cassandra continues in the wake of her silence. “I refused. It's not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He's come so far.”

“Why didn't he come to me?” She shouldn't even be asking. She a real hypocrite it seems.

“We had an agreement long before you joined us. As a Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers,” she points out what she'd already known. “And he wouldn't want to... risk your disappointment.” That of course was something she didn't know. 

She desperately wants to help him but she isn't sure how. “Is there anything we can do to change his mind?”

“If anyone could, it's you.” Cassandra seems completely confident in her abilities it seems. Did she miss something in these last few months? She has been keeping to herself more than she probably should for a while now. Nursing a broken heart tends to do that though. “Mages have made their suffering known, but Templas never have. They are bound to the Order, mind and soul, with someone always holding their lyrium leash. Cullen has a chance to break that leash, to prove to himself –- and anyone who would follow suit --- that it's possible. He can do this. I knew that when we met in Kirkwall. Talk to him. Decide if now is the time.”

Cassandra is absolutely right of course. Rivie knows it as well. Cullen is so much strong than the man gives himself credit for. He's been struggling alone though and finally it is crushing down on him. She won't allow it to break him though. She might end up in pieces but she won't allow him to shatter as well. She needs his strength in a way he probably will never understand. Parchments still in hand, at least she has an excuse to go and find him.

His angry yell is the only warning she gets as something comes flying in her direction. Thankfully her reflexes kick in and she is able to easily dodge out of the way. “Maker's breath! I didn't hear you enter. I ---” He's flustered and upset at himself. He sighs after a moment and she doesn't like how defeated he sounds. “Forgive me.”

“Cullen, if you need to talk...” No matter what is going on between them she will always listen to whatever he has to say.

“You don't have to ---” He nearly collapses against his desk a groan cutting off his words. She moves forward to help him but he freezes her with a single raised hand. “I never meant for this to interfere.”

“Are you going to be all right?” She needs to hear him say 'yes' before her worry tries to eat her alive.

“Yes... I don't know.” He's beyond honest with her which hurts because she has done nothing but avoid him recently. He begins to tell her about his past. About what happened to him during the Fifth Blight. Quietly listening to his story is difficult. Every new word shedding light on a soul that lived through far too much for one person to endure. “Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?”

She can, of course she can see how someone would want to put it all behind them and never have to look upon it again. For him, taking lyrium is reliving it all over again. “Of course I can. I ---”

“Don't!” He cuts her off anger causing his voice to raise. “Why do you even care? You've been avoiding me! I thought... you said... but it wasn't real was it?” His words a stuttering and beyond angry. Does he blame her? Isn't he the one who went to Cassandra? Why is it her fault?

“You kissed me! You made me believe my feelings were being returned and then you turn to her for comfort!” She is so angry she has no idea what she is even say at this point. but her voice is raising with each word. “You wouldn't have told me you were suffering, but you had to because I caught you with ---” 

The rest of her rant dies in her throat when he begins to advance on her. She steps back only to be envoloped in his arms. Without a single word his lips claim her own in a smoothering kiss. Rivie's hands clutch at his arms in surprise. Finally he pulls away allowing them both a chance to catch their breathes. Her head is swimming with confusion over the sudden turn of events. “I don't know why you would think Cassandra and I are anything more than colleagues,” he questions in a low voice before she can think to protest his kiss.

“When we were leaving for the Dales, you said you can't lose ---”

“You!” He interrupts her with an angry puff. “After what happened on your last trip away from Skyhold, I was telling her to keep you safe. Since I cannot be at your side when you are out there facing so many dangers I needed her to understand. She, of course, told me to shove it and that she would do it even if I hadn't asked.”

“Of course she did,” Rivie whispers with a ghost of a laugh. “I'm sorry...”

“For what? Listening to our conversation or running away before the end?” He asks a slight smirk to his lips.

As uncomfortable as she is with her faults being on display she is happy to have distracted him from the suffering of his lyrium withdrawl. “Possibly both,” she answers while her eyes shift away unable to look at him. “I feel like a complete idiot. Have I ruined everything?”

“I think I should be the one asking that. I swore myself to this cause.” His voice is harsh while his arms tremble around her. “I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry... I should be taking it.”

He's looking at this all wrong. She rests her forhead against his own keeping her voice gentle. “This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition. Is this what you want?”

“No,” he exhales, his breath ghosting over her face in a soft wave. “But... these memories have always haunted me --- if they become worse, if I cannot endure this...”

“You can.” She puts all her love and confidence in him into her voice. She needs him to understand that she will always believe in him and that he can do anything he puts his mind to.

This time his exhale is more of a sigh and a slight smile curves his lips again. “All right.”

She extracts herself from his embrace and turns to go, forgetting about the paperwork she'd originally planned to ask him about. Her arm is caught in a soft grip turning her back. His lips find her own again. The kiss is far too gentle. Her heart swells with a bubble of happiness that she is afraid will burst the moment he pulls away. “Thank you,” he whispers when he does release her. She nods slightly before quickly retreating from the room.

 

She stands at the war table realizing how much of a rut she'd put herself in. There is still so much that needs to be done. She still has to figure out what is going on with the Grey Wardens and stop Corphyeus from creating a demon army. Those aren't the only problems awaiting her attention though. So many people needing her to step in on their behalf. She doesn't notice her advisors joining her until she hears a slightly concerned voice ask a question that grabs all her focus. She looks up to watch Cullen give Leliana a small smile while reassuring her it is only a slight headache. Is it really? She would have to check on him after they speak of their next task. She gets down to business just so he won't have to spend so much time standing there in discomfort.


	13. Kindling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should have just claimed him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game dialogue in use, so spoilers ahead.
> 
> Upon hearing a certain short conversation at the war table... well I've always wanted my darling Inquisitor to say something. So this is my dear girl saying something lol And I sort of work in another scene from the game because I can.

Rivie stands next to the war table reading over the report she'd just been handed, a young man named Sutherland seems to have piqued the interest of her Commander, when Josephine's voice grabs her complete focus. “I have requests for information on your lineage from a few interested parties at the Winter Palace.”

Cullen sighs with near defeat. “Andraste preserve me! Feel free to use those requests as kindling.”

“No, I shall take them,” Leliana cuts in. “I want to know who pines for our Commander. We can use this to our advantage.”

“I'm not bait!” Cullen half shouts angrily pulling a small smile from her lips.

“Hush! Just look pretty.” Leliana brushes him off with a snicker.

“I should have just claimed him in front of all those stuffy nobles,” Rivie growls mostly to herself. The only indication that everyone else in the room heard her is the sharp intake of breath from the direction of Josephine. She glances out of the corner of her eyes to see Leliana smirking quite happily as well. Rivie has no idea how the Commander reacts to her words since she doesn't have the courage to actually look at him. She turns her attention back to the parchments in her hand. “You guys don't need to stay here, I'm just getting caught up on some paperwork,” she tells them without looking up.

“Inquisitor?” Josephine questions in surprise.

“Just go,” she says with a wave of her hand toward the door. “I have a lot to read here. Didn't realize I'd gotten so far behind.”

She hears the sound of shoes across the floor before the door opens then closes again. The moment she's alone she sighs while rubbing at her temple with her free hand. “If you are tired, you should rest not send us away,” Cullen's voice startles her enough to nearly drop the parchments in her hand.

Rivie turns to see him standing in front of the closed door with his arms crossed. “I'm not really tired I just... sighed.” She explains lamely. She takes in his calm expression. His eyes are clear and focused, on her, while the complexion of his skin is much warmer. “Are you feeling better?”

“I... yes,” he answers with a small smile while moving toward her.

“Is it always that bad?” She can't help but worry about him and knows he will always be honest with her.

“The pain comes and goes. Sometimes I feel as if I'm back there... I should hot have pushed myself so far that day.”

“I'm just glad you're all right.”

His arms come around her, boxing her in against the table behind her. “I am. I've never told anyone what truly happened to me at Ferelden's Circle. I was... not myself after that. I was angry. For years, that anger blinded me. I'm not proud of the man that made me.” He rests his forehead against her's, his eyes roaming her face. “The way I saw mages... I'm not sure I would have cared about you, and the thought of that sickens me. Now I can put some distance between myself and everything that happened. It's a start.”

Rivie brings her own arms around him, her fingers curling to grip the tunic over his armor. “For what it's worth, I like who you are now.”

“Even after...?”

“Cullen, I care about you. You've done nothing to change that. I thought I was the one who'd messed it all up, but...”

“You've done nothing...” he parrots back to her before closing the distance between them in a gentle kiss. He pulls away concern on his brow. “What about you? How are you holding up?”

“I'm... “ she is about to give that automatic response she's been using for a while now when the look in his eyes stops her short. “Honestly, I'm terrified. Everyone is depending on me and I don't even know if I'm making the right choices.”

“Don't second guess yourself, you are doing amazing work,” he reassures her with a smile. “No matter what I will always be here for you, you just only have to ask. Like when you need to take a break. These reports can wait.”

She gives her head a little shake a smile touching her lips. “They have waitied long enough I think,” she reminds him. “Otherwise they wouldn't have gotten so piled up.”

“A little longer won't hurt,” he surmises his arm coming around her waist allowing him to easily lift her slight weight.

She squeaks in surprise her hands grabbing his shoulders. “Hey!” He ignores her protests of course and carries her out of the room without another word.


	14. Moonlit Rendezvous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shimmering like a coin...

The sound of a light knock draws Rivie's attention from the paperwork strewn across the desk. She slides the chair back pretty sure she knows who is waiting on the other side. Pulling the door open reveals one of Cullen's men standing there stiffly. “The Commander asks for your presence by the gate.”

“Thank you,” she replies. The young man nods slightly before turning and leaving. She considers going back up the stairs to grab her staff and armor. He didn't mention any fighting would be required for this trip so she decides to leave it behind.

Rivie heads to the main hall a little smile on her lips. He'd asked her to accompany him to deal with something in Ferelden. He'd made it pretty clear that whatever it is isn't some life threating thing but beyond that she has no idea what she is about to be walking into. Once outside the hall she heads down the stairs to see the Commander standing beside his pitch black steed. In fact, it is the only horse in the area. “Just one horse?” She asks once she is close enough that she won't have to yell to have him hear her.

He smiles when he looks in her direction yet remains silent as he steps away from the animal to give her space to mount. Is there something wrong with her mare? Did he plan to just walk the whole way? That can't be possible. “Cullen?” She questions looking at the animal then back to the man.

“My Lady,” he indicates with his hand for her to climb up. With little other choice she mounts with practiced ease. Without hesitation Cullen pulls himself up behind her, his arms coming around her take the reins. “For your safety.”

“Safety? Cullen I don't...”

“Just a precaution,” he interrupts her questions before giving the horse a gentle nudge to get them moving through the gate.

“Are you sure about that?” Sure she sounds just a little bit lecherous but they have been dancing around this for a while now. His quiet cough is answer enough for her and she can't help the smile curving her lips.

 

“So where are we going?” Rivie asks as they head through the darkening countryside. They've been riding at a gentle gallop all day and he refuses to tell her anything about their trip. Sure they have talked about other things, mostly stuff related to the Inquisition, yet when she asks about their destination he remains silent.

“Here,” he says suddenly pulling against the reins to slow their horse to a stop. He helps her down before dismounting as well. Rivie glances around to find herself in a valley surrounded by mountains and trees. 

She quickly moves to follow after Cullen who has nearly left her behind. They come upon a lake shimmering in the rising moonlight. “Where are we?” She asks curiously taking in the beautiful scene before her.

“You walk into danger everyday. I wanted to take you away from all of it, if only for a moment,” Cullen explains as they make their way across a small dock leading to the rippling waters. “I grew up not far from here, this place was always quiet.”

She watches him lean back against one of the posts. He's so relaxed she's almost afraid to even speak. It even amazes her somewhat that he could feel that way around her. After he'd told her about what had happened to him at his Circle, she wouldn't have faulted him for never wanting to be alone with her. He's been through so much in his life and she would not want to add anymore hardship on top. She is curious though, far too curious for her own good. “Did you come here often?”

“I loved my siblings, but they were very loud,” he answers without hesitation turning his full attention back to her. “I would come here to clear my head. Of course they always found me eventually.”

His little chuckle sends a warm vibration through her heart. Is she intruding? Maybe she shouldn't be here after all. “You were happy here.”

“I was. I still am,” he replies and maybe that is for her benefit.

Her mind won't let her stop thinking about it though. Is this really okay? Is he really okay? “Alone with a mage. That doesn't concern you?” She needs to ask even if she is afraid of the answer.

“The Templars have rules on fraternization, but I'm no longer bound by them.”

Not quite the answer she is expecting. Yet it does bring up a curious point in her head. “Would it really have stopped you, if we'd met before?”

“I don't --- I ---” He can't seem to get his words out or his eyes to meet her's any longer.

She feels her heart seize up a little at the prospect. “You could say 'no, of course not',” she plays it off because the alternative just isn't something she wants to consider right now.

His expression is honest and open, he doesn't realize it probably but that does calm her rampaging mind a little. “It's hard to believe I wouldn't have noticed you.” She finds herself lost in his golden eyes her voice deserting her momentarily. He finally breaks the silence when it becomes clear that she won't. 

“The last time I was here, was the day I left for Templar training. My brother gave me this,” he explains, revealing a small coin he'd been holding in his hand. “It just happened to be in his pocket, but he said it was for luck. Templars are not supposed to carry such things, our faith should see us through.”

“A little luck can't hurt every now and then.” A moto she's been living by ever since all this started honestly. She's felt more lucky than divine which in the end proved to be the truth.

“I supposed not,” he agrees with a brief far away look in his eyes. His attention refocuses on her in short order though. “I should have died during the blight or in Kirkwall or Haven. Take your pick. And yet I made it back here.” He slips his hand into her own pressing the coin against her gloved palm. “Humor me. We don't know what you'll face before the end. This can't hurt.”

She gives her head a little shake. “Keep it, I don't want your luck to run out.” She won't have anything happen to him and if that little coin really did see him through all of that then she refuses to seperate them.

He seems to understand as he moves closer to her. “Nor do I. Not when I finally have some,” his voice dropping softer and softer with each word while he draws nearer and nearer. His arms come around her, pulling her toward him while his lips gently claim her own. Her own arms wrap themselves around his neck trying to pull him even closer. Their kiss is lazy and soothing like the rippling water around them. All her worries slowly evaporate under his persistent affection. He pulls away giving them both a moment to breathe in a lungful of air. “I wanted to ask you something else.”

“What?” She feels light-headed or maybe that is just light in general. His arms tighten around her waist holding her as close as he possibly can.

“Can I call you by your name?”

She looks at him in surprise. “You actually think you need to ask me that? Would anyone ever be opposed to such a thing?”

“Well no, but you are...”

She can't help the laugh that bubbles up from her chest. He really is asking for her permission. Really? The look he's giving her now that she is quietly laughing says it all. “Please,” she manages between giggles. “I would like that more than just about anything.”

“Okay, Rivie.” Hearing her name on his lips is like a balm to her very soul. She's hasn't felt this happy in a long long time. Not since before her magic made itself known honestly. She's still giggling though and he doesn't seem to appreciate it. He suddenly lifts her feet from the dock.

“Not again!” She protests beginning to laugh harder. She wonders in the back of her mind if she might have actually upset him. The wide smile on his face says otherwise so she lets the thought quickly slip free. He finally manages to silence her in a way no one else will ever be able to, with a kiss.


End file.
